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| Topic: Crisis of Confidence | ||
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| Once again after completing a job I have been catapulted back to living with my parents. I have been involved in a number of touring productions and everytime I have finished a contract I find myself poorly off financially and with a huge drop in confidence which is not helped by living under the same roof as my parents. The acting profession is littered with examples of Parents not supporting aspiring artists and in some cases undermining career choices either consciously or subconciously. I am at the end of a tether here which keeps snapping me back like a bungee cord. Any Advice? | ||
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| Reply #1 | |
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| Posted : 10/03/10 | |
| Talking helps, explain to your parents how important this is for you and that you need there support, explain to them how it feels for you after finishing a job (the big come down). On the flip side you are working that has got to be great and most actors are poor so its either you go for better paid jobs or have something else going on to help you financially or dare i say it ponder on whether this career choice is what you really want, if not there are plenty of creative jobs that can be done to pay the rent. You have to be strong regardless of other peoples ideas of the job you should be doing even your parents. Stay strong positive and after completing one job knuckle down until the next exciting project comes your way. Dont lose hope and good luck. That is only my two pence for what it's worth and possibly the longest post I have ever written ....watch out Lee!!!!!ha ha | |
| Reply #2 | |
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| Posted : 10/03/10 | |
| What kind of support are you seeking from your parents? Emotional or financial? If it is clear that a parent won't support you then don't try to earn it. My parents have never seen my profile on CCP. Chill out for a while, go swimming & stuff (or whatever you like to do), then ask yourself why the touring jobs leave you lacking in confidence & what you would change about them if you could. Stay with people who uplift you. It's not our parents fault they screw us up! | |
| Reply #3 | |
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| Posted : 10/03/10 | |
| Not everyone has the opportunity to go back to live with their parents, so you should be grateful you have that and find a way to keep yourself financially stable. If you return after each job with lower confidence then before then maybe its not that surprising that they feel something else might be better for you. I'm sure they want you to be able to support yourself and be happy, and like Tamster says maybe you should aim for better paid work if its the money thats causing you problems. Let your folks know how you feel and how their comments affect you. Until you tell them they won't know.. Hope it pans out alright for you, but seriously - be thankful they care enough about you to want to see you happy (and that there's always a full fridge!) L | |
| Reply #4 | |
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| Posted : 10/03/10 | |
| Hi Andrew… I know exactly how you feel (Like most of us on here) …been there, done that…yes your feeling the way you are now…but, you must always think positive…I know that I will never be a leading man, up for next years Oscars, (I know, I know you all cant believe that!!!) but I can always do my best to help some other friend to get there instead…Don't loss that passion that brought you into the profession in the first place, Andrew. So as Fred Astaire would have said to you if he was a member of this site and more importantly alive!!!…hehe "pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over against" I am so lucky to have the great parents I have, they always give me the support I need, even now...and that support, understanding and unconditional love I am so lucky to have, I am hopfully now passing on to my daughter for her to fulfil her dreams. Kindest Regards to you Andrew, I hope our words are the first 'bricks' to help you 'rebuild' your confidence | |
| Reply #5 | |
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| Posted : 10/03/10 | |
| Knocks and blows can be good in the long run as they encourage you to reflect and make changes. And despite parents seeming 'unsupportive' - you know they love you really..eeeeeeeee (pinch your cheeks)! | |
| Reply #6 | |
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| Posted : 10/03/10 | |
| I hear you, buddy. This profession is tough, though nobody ever said it wouldn't be. I came from an arts background before retraining to become a "proper performer" (or right Charlie, depending on your viewpoint!). I echo the other sentiments already posted. If you are single, it strikes me as being even tougher, both emotionally and financially. I live in hopes of bagging a Sugar Mummy still! This industry can be a lonely one, and it can eat you alive without you even realising. It takes back-up to see you through. That, and copious amounts of banana-flavoured milkshake. | |
| Reply #7 | |
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| Posted : 10/03/10 | |
| Hi Andrew I am in a similar situation and every day my parents undermine what I do or what I have achieved, sometimes without even realizing. Parents and even friends can be very passive aggressive and know exactly what to say to upset us the most and when you live with them it can become a form of emotional blackmail. They appear to have all the power and control over your situation, just like when you were a kid and in some cases may even have a vested interest in you failing. But just as we are, our parents are/were affected by the beliefs, values and expectations of their parents too. I don't blame them for that and I don't believe it is an effective use of my time trying to change their minds. The one thing I do know is my parents care a lot about me, want me to succeed as an actress and even say how talented I am! Their concerns are less about me and more about the competitive, unpredictable nature of the business and these concerns have worsened due to the state of the economy. All the same it is ironic that they can want me to succeed but decrease the chance of that happening with their lack of support or unhelpful comment. People aren't always logical though and whilst you can draw their attention to this contradiction you can never really change their minds unless they are willing. So what can you do? The one thing we have control of is how we let things affect us. You have two choices. You can continue the downward spiral and see yourself as a prisoner of circumstance seeing life as something happening to you and you are the passenger along for the ride. Or you can recognize the power and control you have over your life and your thoughts and actions and strive to construct ones that are more helpful to you (i.e. praising yourself instead of criticising). Obviously it is not easy and it takes a very strong person to ignore and overcome the chronic negativity of people around you. It is also easy to start doubting yourself if those that claim to love you and apparently "know you best" think you are making a mistake. But only you can make the decision about what is right because nobody else is living your experience or living inside your head. Your emotions are there to help you decide what feels good and what isn't so trust those. And with acting ask yourself if it is the romance, glamour and idea of acting that you love or the actual activity of performing. I am big on common sense too and if you are coming out of a theatre run with not much more money than before you started then there is something not right about that. Either they aren't valuing your talent or you aren't. Believe it or not we are not here on this earth to prove ourselves to anyone or make people like us. And this goes for the acting industry too! The need to prove yourself to others shows you do not value yourself as you are at the moment. If your sense of achievement or self worth is contingent on the actions or behaviour of others then you may find you are always searching for it in vain. And ironically this is why many actors are in this business, to experience those feelings of love, respect, appreciation and understanding that might be missing in their real lives. It is also why they might not get the roles or auditions because it is clear in the way they speak or act that they do not have faith in their own ability, so why should a casting director, agent or producer put their faith in you? Now I am not saying go through life being cocky and not giving a crap about others but rather to take a step back and notice when you are actually being unduly hard on yourself. I have said it before, but we say things to ourselves that we would not say to someone we hated and it is important to identify when you are doing this and stop it immediately as only bad comes out of it. A negative state of mind will hinder your problem solving, decision making, objectivity, creativity, confidence and inspiration all of which are necessary qualities to succeed, especially in acting. Don't buy into the cynical, self deprecating British stereotype or the media's view that the world is going to hell etc! There are still good, hardworking people in the world! And if you aren't getting the success you feel you should be then it is perhaps time to do some tough introspection and soul searching or deal with any underlying emotional problems that might be holding you back. A healthy state of mind is the scaffolding or framework you build the rest of your life around. My suggestion to people in Andrew's situation would be to remove yourself from that environment but if that is not possible then you need to resort to damage control. These are some of the things that might help: 1)Listen to your emotions and instincts. Your emotions are your guidance system and will tell you all you need to know about whether a situation or behaviour is helpful to you or not. If a conversation/situation/person is making you feel negative or uncomfortable then end it, shut it down somehow or walk away. 2)Avoid being rude or ungrateful to the negative people. Acknowledge their point of view, show you have listened to what they have to say but that you don't agree and you are not them. You could even ask them for some suggestions as to what they would do in your situation! Complaining is easy but rarely serves a purpose if there are no constructive actions coming out of it. 3)Don't waste your time and energy justifying your decisions or convincing others of your positive qualities and achievements. This time would be better spent deciding what it is you want, why you want it and why you think you can get it and the 'how' part tends to make itself known. Meditation, affirmations and visualisation are great tools for achieving this and it doesn't have to be all hippy and new age. Just take some time out for self development, relaxation or reading. We spend hours exercising our bodies but little time exercising our minds, deciding what we want/do not want like/don't like and realizing our potential. When you master the art of this, you won't need to justify yourself to anyone, people will notice things they like and admire about you without you having to point them out! I have met precious few people with that aura or air of quiet confidence and joy (and I don't mean the fake annoying overly confident extrovert types!) about them and it is absolutely inspiring and infectious. 4)Surround yourself with like minded people. Or at least people who don't make you feel crap. Don't cut yourself off from others, don't get caught up or brought down by other people's negativity. And that goes for negativity on any subject. I don't mean bottle up your feelings as it is important to talk when you are upset, angry etc., I refer more to those people that can't find a good thing to say about anyone or anything and seem to make a conscious decision to be miserable.I just don't want to hear endless talk about the crap things about the industry, economy and the world in general unless the purpose is to come up with some solutions! Do things that you love and enjoy apart from acting. Do not put anything you want to do 'on hold' until you feel smart, successful, worthy or confident enough. Do it now! 5)I'd also advocate a sensible business like approach to dealing with acting as well as harnessing the power of yourrr mindddddd and just waiting for opportunities to present themselves. You may have heard of the Pareto principle or 80:20 rule. 20% of your efforts produce 80% of your results. Focus on what the successful people do differently, what activities are genuinely producing results and which are wasting time. How much of your time is spent doing things you actually enjoy and how much is spent doing thing you feel you should be doing or do out of duty or habit. What is it you can do or bring to a role that makes you different to the other 80% that auditioned? If you can't answer that then you need to find your USP (unique selling point!) or find another profession! The point is if you keep doing the same things don't be surprised if you keep getting the same results. | |
| Reply #8 | |
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| Posted : 10/03/10 | |
| well said that girl...... I bet you felt better writing all that down too eh Jenny? | |
| Reply #9 | |
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| Posted : 10/03/10 | |
| Apologies Jenna not jenny x | |
| Reply #10 | |
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| Posted : 10/03/10 | |
| The very uncertainty of this career choice can either be dispiriting or uplifting. We all know that nobody would even notice were any of us to quit the profession, as there are innumerable others waiting to take our places! If you can keep this in mind and still be happy about it, assuming worst case scenario of always being out of pocket and (sometimes) down in the dumps, then you're an ACTOR! Lord knows how this analogy came to me, but I recently pondered upon the vagaries of the acting world, compared to sports such as darts and snooker. Now wither of those, if you put in enough practice, and you have the natural ability, you too can become World Champion and such. Talent will out! With performance? Not a bit of it! A person may have all the natural gifts in the world, and still eke out a living from sites such as this. I doubt very much that Ewan McGregor, Colin Firth, etc. log on to CCP every morning! We have all seen performers in soaps, on Top of the Tops (back in the day!) and such, and known that surely they weren't "the best" in their fields, just the luckiest or those with the best connections. Back to Snooker. There, it's all down to the individual. With this, unless you are in the top percentile of the acting profession, the great gigs out there will never trouble our eyes. That's when it comes down to having a great agent, or being the son or daughter of someone already well established in "the biz" (Lily Allen, please step forward). Several actors I have worked with have all said that if not for their partner or spouse being in a steady, "proper" job, there'd be no way that they could afford to attend auditions, or effectively not work so they could study full-time or chase their dream parts! So you see, yes, there are plenty of reasons to feel a bit glum, but know that you are not alone (certainly on this site!). Parents the whole world over just want their children to be happy. And remember this - once you've made it, think how much more of a buzz they'll get telling everybody their son's an actor, than some grey guy in a suit! Keep the faith. | |
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